Things yer mammy used to say to you.
To lighten the mood a little,SOL KITTS takes us back to happier,more innocent times. Days of black and white tellies,party lines,playing chap do run away and getting extra pocket money by finding used Irn Bru bottles and taking them back for the deposit.
“Tell that to kids nowadays and they won’t believe you!”
(Ignore the numbers on the list,that’s an occasional gremlin when I c&p them from an e-mail.)
It’s close season, there’s no real fitba to watch, and my brain’s started to wander; back to the days when we played 15 a side in the street, 5 halftime, 11 the winner. One goalpost at each end was a lamppost, the other was a jumper. No ref, no arguments, plastic ball.
Parents who knew you were safe outdoors, come hame when the streetlights come on.
However, my mum was always one for daft sayings, usually because she worried about us, sometimes because we wound her up, mostly because she was a wee West of Scotland woman. She’s 4 ft 11, but even now I’m 6ft plus I know when to shut up.
Anyway, things she said.
- When I used to climb walls and walk along the top, she would shout out the window, “if you fall and break your leg, don’t come running to me for sympathy.”
- If I stayed out playing after the streetlights came on it was “where have you been? It’s as black as your grandad’s hat out there.”
- A personal favourite, “when it’s thunder and lightning the grass changes colour.” We laughed at this until one day we were watching golf on telly during a thunderstorm, there was a huge bolt of lightning, the power went off for a second or two, and when it came back on the power surge had buggered up the telly, and all the colours were wrong. The bliddy grass on the screen was pink. She was convinced that this was due to the storm. Mind you, Lee Trevino also turned blue, maybe he was cold.
- Another favourite, “your cousin’s getting married today, they’re getting a good day for it.” All very plausible, except for the minor missing detail that she was standing at her back door in Ardrossan, and my cousin was in Canada.
She’s going through some tough times just now health-wise, but even chemo isn’t diminishing her. BMCUWP said to me weeks ago, when her prognosis was poor, she’s a tough wee Scottish mammy and they don’t just give up. Yup, and that’s a fact.
There are loads of other gems she used to come out with, which we’re all probably familiar with. The ones Billy Connolly used in his shows, “I’ll take ma hand off yer jaw”, “don’t look at me in that tone of voice “, “who do you think you’re talking to”.
So, let’s throw it open. Let’s have a giggle at our mammies sayings.
- Those numbers are a real pain in the arse! But many thanks to SOL KITTS and his wee mammy for giving us a nostalgic giggle and putting a smile on our faces for a change. As always,we are always keen to hear the views of our contributors,and will happily make yours Article of the Day if you mail it to Mahe.