Things yer mammy used to say to you.


To lighten the mood a little,SOL KITTS takes us back to happier,more innocent times. Days of black and white tellies,party lines,playing chap do run away and getting extra pocket money by finding used Irn Bru bottles and taking them back for the deposit.

“Tell that to kids nowadays and they won’t believe you!”

(Ignore the numbers on the list,that’s an occasional gremlin when I c&p them from an e-mail.)


It’s close season, there’s no real fitba to watch, and my brain’s started to wander; back to the days when we played 15 a side in the street, 5 halftime, 11 the winner. One goalpost at each end was a lamppost, the other was a jumper. No ref, no arguments, plastic ball.

Parents who knew you were safe outdoors, come hame when the streetlights come on.

However, my mum was always one for daft sayings, usually because she worried about us, sometimes because we wound her up, mostly because she was a wee West of Scotland woman. She’s 4 ft 11, but even now I’m 6ft plus I know when to shut up.

Anyway, things she said.

  1. When I used to climb walls and walk along the top, she would shout out the window, “if you fall and break your leg, don’t come running to me for sympathy.”
  2. If I stayed out playing after the streetlights came on it was “where have you been? It’s as black as your grandad’s hat out there.”
  3. A personal favourite, “when it’s thunder and lightning the grass changes colour.” We laughed at this until one day we were watching golf on telly during a thunderstorm, there was a huge bolt of lightning, the power went off for a second or two, and when it came back on the power surge had buggered up the telly, and all the colours were wrong. The bliddy grass on the screen was pink. She was convinced that this was due to the storm. Mind you, Lee Trevino also turned blue, maybe he was cold.
  4. Another favourite, “your cousin’s getting married today, they’re getting a good day for it.” All very plausible, except for the minor missing detail that she was standing at her back door in Ardrossan, and my cousin was in Canada.

  5. She’s going through some tough times just now health-wise, but even chemo isn’t diminishing her. BMCUWP said to me weeks ago, when her prognosis was poor, she’s a tough wee Scottish mammy and they don’t just give up. Yup, and that’s a fact.

  6. There are loads of other gems she used to come out with, which we’re all probably familiar with. The ones Billy Connolly used in his shows, “I’ll take ma hand off yer jaw”, “don’t look at me in that tone of voice “, “who do you think you’re talking to”.

  7. So, let’s throw it open. Let’s have a giggle at our mammies sayings.
  8. ***
  9. Those numbers are a real pain in the arse! But many thanks to SOL KITTS and his wee mammy for giving us a nostalgic giggle and putting a smile on our faces for a change. As always,we are always keen to hear the views of our contributors,and will happily make yours Article of the Day if you mail it to Mahe.

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Bada Bing
June 13, 2019 6:08 am


June 13, 2019 6:12 am


Up with the lark this morning!

Just seen this,£18m a year for a 19yo. N-I-c-e…

Well,Paris actually. PSG,of course.

Twists n turns
June 13, 2019 6:21 am

My own mum doesn’t get the credit for this one. No this goes to my late brothers mum in law. She was forever getting things mixed up.

She decided one day she would paint the room and asked my brother if he would pop down the shop and get her a “ tin of durex”

Twists n turns
June 13, 2019 6:28 am

I won’t reveal which person said this for fear of embarrassing her though to be honest the wife doesn’t read this blog .

Oops ?

You remember the Sunday Mail and Sunday post? Of course you do.
There was a quiz in each of them. Routine on a Sunday for the wife and I ( oops) to read one out to each other. See who scored the most.
I read out one of the questions to this person, who shall remain anonymous, ?.

Name a disease or illness which is named after someone?

I don’t know what you mean?

I say “ well for example Parkinson’s “

Oh right she says. After about a minute she says “ ah got one”


I’m not kidding by the way ???

June 13, 2019 6:47 am


We all appreciate that post,and particularly appreciate your earnest attempts not to identify the culprit(!)

SOLKITTS was right,the thoughts of the past fair brighten your day at times.

June 13, 2019 6:49 am

Btw,you’ll gather I managed to remove those random numbers. Wish I could figure out how I did it,will come in handy next time!

Bada Bing
June 13, 2019 6:58 am

BMCUW- Got some H&S work in Selby,on train from Edinburgh to York…

June 13, 2019 7:16 am

My mum came out with some crackers in her time. here’s a couple:-

When describing someone she knew moving into a new house (usually from a tenement flat in Castlemilk to “the Spittal”), she would say the new house “had their own front and back door” and didn’t take kindly when I retorted, “as opposed to someone else’s front and back door”. Always was a bit of a smart arse – still am. The other one I fondly remember on the same subject was the startling fact the the new house had it’s own “up and down” stairs. I kept my gub shut on that one. One slap around the ear was quite enough thanks.

June 13, 2019 7:20 am

” You’ll be smiling on the other side of your face ”


” Stop kicking that ‘ba off the side of the fence ”


June 13, 2019 7:24 am

Many years ago i worked in Holland, felt like i spent 19m a year lol.
I’ll not go into detail……ooft tho 🙂

Twists n turns
June 13, 2019 7:47 am

She must have done something right. 38 years ago today we were married ?

big packy
June 13, 2019 8:03 am

MORNING EVERYONE,,my wee maw use to say if you don’t stoap dain that ill take ma haun aff yer face, in a broad Lanarkshire accent.

Bada Bing
June 13, 2019 8:06 am

Teacher ‘ stoap warmin yer hands oan that radiator, ye’ll get chillblains….’
Whatever that is…..

Sol Kitts
June 13, 2019 8:29 am

Ghuys and ghirls, a wee happy update about my wee mammy. The chemo seems to have worked, and the tumours that were causing her and us so much concern seem to have gone. BMCUWP, whatever you said to the man upstairs, thank you. Let’s hope they stay away.

June 13, 2019 8:30 am

This one’s a bit bitter sweet. 3 days before the end my mother in bed with family around suddenly woke up and turned to my auntie Betty and said “Hello Bridget (her sister) It’s good to see you, I’ve got good news for you. I’m expecting a baby! ” Then fell back asleep. We couldn’t stop laughing. Lightened up a hard time.

June 13, 2019 8:30 am

“Come here till I batter ye!” has to be one of the most confusing instructions to give to a child.

My mother was fond of “If your plan jumped in the Clyde, would you jump in after them?”

June 13, 2019 8:35 am


On a similar theme, being asked as a child, “Dae ye want a smack?” always struck (no pun intended) as a strange question.

June 13, 2019 8:35 am

Sol Kitts, that’s great news. God bless your ma.

Sol Kitts
June 13, 2019 8:36 am

Happy anniversary to Mr & Mrs Twists n Turns

June 13, 2019 8:39 am

My mother was a very good baker. When I was young I would eat her currant cake till it was coming out my ears. Until the day my father told me currants were dead flies! I couldn’t eat currants for years!

Noel Skytrot
June 13, 2019 8:54 am

My granny used the term ” as black as a hoors heart” when describing the orangemen and his family who lived beneath her.

Noel Skytrot
June 13, 2019 9:30 am

Stupid thing I heard from a guy threatening another in Glasgow city centre..” I’ll punch your cunt in ya prick” makes no sense.
Excuse the language

Por cierto
June 13, 2019 10:11 am

My younger sister and my two older sisters were playing I spy. My younger sister’s turn, she was 6, was M.S. We tried everything but eventually gave in. She says “Mata Suace”!!! Por cierto.

Noel Skytrot
June 13, 2019 11:15 am

My da’s response when my mother was, talking about football. ” you could write on a flea’s arse with one of your bingo pens what you know about football.” Lol

June 13, 2019 11:29 am

At last some movement on the UEFA licence application 2011. Even an acknowledgement of the five way agreement and CAS. Ian Maxwell of the SFA speaks on it.

I believe it is infra dig to post a link to the daily record so I won’t. But if you want to find it, it is on News Now. Rangers

June 13, 2019 11:30 am


Selby? Don’t switch the power off,it’s freezing down here! Oh,and take yer wellies…

June 13, 2019 11:31 am


Mr and Mrs TWISTSNTURNS!!!!!!!!!

June 13, 2019 11:32 am


That’s terrific news about yer Mum,mate. Hard as nails,telt ye!

It’ll be all that bracing sea air in Sunny Saltcoats.

June 13, 2019 11:36 am

I’m pleading the fifth on the subject of this article. I go back home as often as I can and usually stay with my parents when I’m there.

I’ve got horrible visions of coming home one night to find the doors locked and a wee sign in the window wi “Things yer mammy used to say,here’s a new one. Sod off!” written on it.

Or worse,getting a bat in the mooth-still sprightly,my Mum. Thankfully she doesn’t wear Scholl sandals anymore. Lethal wi them at any distance.

June 13, 2019 11:41 am

Ian Maxwell has revealed a decision over whether to pursue Rangers over “alleged irregularities” in the club’s application for a UEFA licence in 2011 could be made soon.
The SFA tasked its compliance officer with instigating a probe into the matter two years ago, which involves the Ibrox club’s unpaid tax liability at the time they submitted the application.
Had they disclosed the liability, Celtic would have been entered into the Champions League qualifiers the following season.
Rangers maintain the Five Way Agreement signed off by the SFA, SPL, SFL, the old Rangers and the Newco formed by Charles Green ensured the governing body had no jurisdiction in the case.
The SFA’s judicial panel ruled the matter must be heard by the Court of Abitration for Sport if there was intent to dole out punishment

June 13, 2019 11:44 am

And now chief executive Maxwell insists the issue could be looked at again in the near future.

He said: “I would expect that to come back to the board in the not-too-distant future.
“It (going to CAS) is still under consideration.
“We’ll come back on that in due course. I wouldn’t want to put a timescale on it.
“But I don’t think we would let it go for ever.”

Daily Record 13-6-2019

June 13, 2019 1:31 pm

Stoap geeing me yir dumb insolence.
She was right about the first part.

June 13, 2019 1:38 pm


Thanks for posting what SFA CEO Maxwell has said.

Phil is on the ball with the following at

I mentioned yesterday that what the SFA were asked would be posted on the Res12 Archive.

Well taking Maxwell’s statement as a response the Res12 letter that most probably caused it can be read from Phil’s blog.

James Forrest has also commented with points worth consideration.

June 13, 2019 1:42 pm

Prior to reading what Maxwell is reported to have said I posted on CQN what narrative can be read into the Res12 Archive.

Here it is in response to complexity.

Traditionalist1888 9.12.

” So yes, the nuances involved in Res 12 are too much/not stimulating enough.”

Whilst the detail is not the easiest of reads especially when it refers to documentation that requires context that is provided on the Archive but itself requires more reading, there is a simple narrative;

Rangers FC from 2000 to 2011 cheated Scottish football by breaching SFA/SPL registration rules.

That breach should have led to points deduction based on Welsh FA recent decision to deduct point for registration breaches by Bangor City

Justification for not doing so was provided by the LNS Commission that was tself premature, (the charge was more serious than registration failure it was acting in bad faith towards fellow clubs. ) It was also misled by failure of RFC to provide documentation asked for that spoke of fraud and unlawful ebts. (DOS).

The SFA should have had that documentation in 2011 under UEFA FFP rules. If not licence was granted then retained under false pretence.

Celtic were first made aware of the possibility of breach in 2013 and worked with Res12 guys until charges of bad faith were made by the Compliance Officer in May 2018 in relation to the monitoring period only. CQN blogged about it 16 May 2018.

Those charges omitted reference to the grant period for unknown reasons. This removes shareholder locus in that sanctions for breaches in the monitoring period do not apply until following year.

This was brought to Celtic’s attention immediately but they did not respond.

Out of the blue hard evidence that a payable did exist before key reporting date of 31 March turned up in Mid May 2018. It was provided lawfully and supported by HMRC court testimony in 2012. All in the Archive.

Celtic did not want to touch it so at great expense it was drawn to SFA attention last June 201i8 by Res12 lawyers.

In July the SFA JPDT accepted an argument by TRFC that the matter should be referred to CAS under (according to media reports) the terms of an Agreement that can only be the 5 Way one.

The SFA were asked for a progress report amongst other things at the end of May 2019 by Res12 lawyers.

Their answer and Res12 letter will become available on the Res12 Archive.

What happens next depends on the answer or no answer.

Celtic’s policy since being provided with hard evidence a payable existed (it however may not have been overdue if it satisfied 4 conditions, but there has been 6 years to say that) has been to rely on a process that appears to have had no authority to proceed in the first place and which in any case appears, in absence of an explanation, to have watered down the charges to produce a desired result (as per LNS).

That policy has to change if SFA fail to respond in a manner that addresses all the issues put to them since 2015 by Res12 lawyers including the latest.

The probity of the SFA Judicial Protocol and those responsible for compliance since 2015 to 2018 depends on such an answer.

The validity of Celtic’s position since last May depends on it too.

That is as short a narrative as can be made to cover events but if anyone wants to put it in any shorter form that would galvanise supporters at large – wire in.

June 13, 2019 1:55 pm

Your faith and perseverance along with others on Res 12 is truly remarkable.
Perhaps the wheels of justice are turning albeit reluctantly.
You have my eternal gratitude.

June 13, 2019 1:59 pm

I wonder who isolated Turnbull as a target. Was it Lenny or was it PL? Was it Bill or was it Ben, which of these two flower pot men….? Lenny has indicated he wants to change the midfield……which speaks well of him! However, Turnbull looks like the typical PL signing. Buy potential as low as possible and sell high (probably to Southampton!). If it was PL’s initiative, he boxed himself into a corner on this one.

This was McGinn Mark2, however, this time PL could not be seen to fail. Muck up once and it is a shame, generally…much up twice and it is PL’s shame to wear. So, Motherwell had him dancing on the end of a string.

However, why the delay in announcing the signing? Surely, PL is not trying to low ball the lad and his agent? No, he would never do that! Better watch out, Peter, it is not over until it is over! English clubs now know a fee that is acceptable to M’Well and could swoop in there with a better wage package. Think of the “Oops” if that happened ….again!

Turnbull is a risk at any price, but he is most definitely a risk at 3 million. Will he vanish into the background like Kouassi who was acquired for a similar fee? If he was Lenny’s baby then he is likely to get a chance of a run of games but why the delay in announcing him?


June 13, 2019 2:07 pm

Sol Kitts,,
That is wonderful news and I’m really delighted for you both. Genuinely I am. Great start to my day reading that. May you guys share many more years together. Fantastic stuff! Oh, thanks for the article.

Twists , 38 years is some going. Congratulations, you clearly picked the right one for you.

My own mother has only the one that stands out right now.
We she hears or see’s something particularly heinous it’s often
” there’s a special place in hell for scum like that”

Hail Hail

June 13, 2019 2:08 pm

Maxwell’s statement is certainly welcome but is it an intent to act, or an intent to delay and mute a response?

Why do we have to wait until the end of the year? All the facts are in the hands of the SFA. Has the old Rangers finally been deep sixed? Have all of the assets been ear marked to its creditors or will that still take a few months? Someone must know.

When you are stumbling around in the dark, any pin prick of light is welcome, but the whole room needs illuminated in this case.

Maxwell’s statement still seems more hollow than substantive.


June 13, 2019 2:09 pm

Jim ,,
You might be interested in this. I would like your thoughts on it pls. Some interesting comments also.

June 13, 2019 2:15 pm

As soon as I read the article with Ian Maxwell I thought this is almost a reply to the Res. 12 guys. Auldheid was saying just a day or two ago that they were overdue a reply from a correspondence in May.

Of course it means nothing so far but after so much silence I was glad to hear them acknowledge there still is a dispute about the issuing of the licence, that there is a 5 way agreement, and that it is a NEW CLUB! After all this time why do they need more time?

June 13, 2019 2:19 pm

Rebus 67 2.08


Check why Maxwell statement made from Phil’s blog.

Point here is that Celtic put their faith in the SFA Judicial Panel process.

Insisted on it even when they were given more than enough reason to doubt it last year. Hence unhappy requisitioner at last AGM.

There has to be closure by next AGM to avoid censure.

The wheels of justice grind slow etc. but grind they will.

big packy
June 13, 2019 2:28 pm

SOL KITTS,,great news,hh.

June 13, 2019 2:32 pm

Mahe, you’ve stumped me a bit with that link. The only thing of interest to me was that the action was taken after 750 phone calls and that there is a township committee. Was that it? Going out just now. Catch you later.

June 13, 2019 2:40 pm

The story amazed me.
Motel has problem,,city buys it and knocks it down for over 3 million!!!
First , what a great way to get rich,,buy seedy motel , attract undesirables, sell for mega profit.
Second,,will knocking down motel solve all problems or does bad element move on?
Third,,3 million to good use versus 50 odd arrests a year. I know where I would spend the money .
Typical yanks though. Thick as guinness
Hail Hail

Awe Naw
June 13, 2019 2:41 pm

Reply from previous thread.

Rod Petrie could reveal exactly what Celtic were up too prior to the 5WA and the extent of their involvement with it.

Pure supposition: Petrie was the conduit between Sevco and Celtic plc just prior to the 5WA. Our plc approved the LNS outcome with a nod and a wink. Then some pesky CQNers got in the way and then title stripping and compensation claims raised their ugly heads again. Celtic plc then had to return to Petrie/McRae with regards the CQNers asking for offerings. Beads for the Indian tims to quell any uprisings. From an SFA viewpoint an entirely Celtic problem. So PL was told to GTF by Reagan hence the letter publication. Since then BR was recruited the cups for the diddy teams have stopped. A sop in my opinion that was part of the 5WA and also intertwined with Sevco being back in the SPFL again. It keeps the debate about what Sevco has won out of the limelight. Since then Petries name on CQN has gone from good guy to villain. The timeliness fit perfectly.

June 13, 2019 2:59 pm

The 5way secret agreement, version seven. Consisting of, the SFA- SPL- SFL-Old co- New co. We pledge dear brothers to promote the peepul to the detriment of all other Scottish football clubs, we will conduct head over heels gymnastics to ensure survival of the “Rangers”, despite their massive debts, obtaining licences under false pretences and to promote the “One True Blue Club” we promise to cheat, defraud, to issue lies and fake news, so help us god.
Stuart Regan, Andrew Dickson, Campbell Ogilvie, keeking in from around the corner, Putrid Petrie, Alan McRae, Neil Doncaster SPL. David Longmuir SFL. Charles Green Newco, Duff and Phelps for Old Co… Gosh and Golly and OMG. what a cabal.

Hiding in plain sight, please add anyone that I missed….

June 13, 2019 3:23 pm

Res12…..but will Maxwell’s silver hammer come down upon Ranger’s head?


June 13, 2019 3:28 pm

Tom Hark being played on the radio. Fond memories of conga lines of Celtic fans dancing around football stadia singing ‘Jelly and ice cream when the Rangers die, jelly and ice cream when the Rangers die “ to the tune of Tom Hark. What ever happened to Rangers when they died?☠️?

June 13, 2019 4:30 pm

Aw Naw 2.41

Thanks for clarifying what you meant. It’s very plausible re Petrie and Lawwell.