Our latest away/change strip was leaked the other day,and yet again we have a chance to buy the product of a fevered imagination from the New Balance Design Department (youth opportunities branch).
Either that or they’re just ripping the pish altogether. Have you seen it? It’s like a dog’s breakfast-one that he thought he would like but changed his mind afterwards!
In fairness,it bears a similarity to the classic Away strip we had in our Seville season,being pretty much a yellow/gold colour. (Where’s my Pantone and Dulux colour booklets when I need them,eh?) But that was designed by Umbro,who didn’t really faff about with our kits much,apart from their notorious psychedelic period in the early nineties. Clean and sharp,that was their blueprint for success.
This one takes that successful design and puts a bloody green tartan block around the shoulders and collar! Why mess with a classic,you wouldn’t put racing stripes and whitewall tyres on a bloody E-Type Jaguar,would you?
Here’s what “Footy Headlines” had to say about it when they’d stopped sniggering…
“Celtic’s 2019-20 away jersey has the same collar as the new Porto home, while the shoulders and top of the sleeves is coloured in green with a subtle tartan print”
Porto?! In an attempt to recreate our Seville season classic?! Now you know somebody’s at it-they couldn’t have figured that out for themselves,that sounds like an insider’s view. Well it’s up to your average Celtic supporter whether to buy it or not. It’s my birthday soon,so naw.
I won’t even start on their ridiculous decision to start The Hooooooops on our new home strip at round about nipple height. Except-do we not have a say in this,or at least a veto?
Designing Celtic strips should be the easiest thing in the world. Start with our iconic hoops. Stop with our iconic hoops. Do not faff about with our iconic hoops. Your design input is limited simply to the collar. And they ARE hoops. Not bands around the middle. A minimum of six of each.
Away strip,pick any shade of green that doesn’t frighten the horses,or of yellow that doesn’t glow in the dark like a day tripper to Hunterston. At a push,a plain black one-at least it confuses the referees. If you’re still stuck,throw your crayons away and give us a white one.
Pink? Naw. Tartan? Beat it. Bumblebees? Bugger off.
But that’s not the worst of it,oh no. There’s still another one waiting in the wings. The one that didn’t make the cut,but they’re gonna impose it on us anyway. They always do nowadays.
Our third strip/European kit/second change,call it what you will. We’ve seen some right beauties in this collection over the years,like pink or two-tone silver with green sleeves,a little Jimmy Lauder tartan number. You must stand out like a sore thumb wearing one of them in Turnstiles or Bar 67. “Look out,lads! It’s The Nutter!!!” At least you might get served quicker,I suppose-as everyone else gives you a bodyswerve…
The real scandal though isn’t the designs,bad as they are. It’s the sheer volume of them. It’s blatant profiteering by the companies involved-and I include Celtic in that.
How many change strips do you think we have had this century alone? Here’s a list of them,it’s mind-boggling.
I make it 33 including the two new ones,though I could be wrong-I kinda struggle after I’ve taken off my shoes and socks and run out of options. I mean,that’s just bloody ridiculous. I understand that from a retail/design point of view,green and white hoops simply aren’t a fashion statement,and that style and fashion are constantly evolving concepts. But there’s been nothing fashionable or stylish in any of their recent offerings,and besides,the only statement any of us wearing a Celtic top wants to make is-
Hail,Hail,The Celts Are Here!
Anything else is insulting our intelligence and dipping our pockets. It’s time to put a stop to it.
Above article by BMCUWP. Want to get something off your chest? Let us know,send it to us for Article of the Day. Mail it to Mahe