International Day of Happiness
And welcome to International Day of Happiness. Supremely ironic of course,given the circumstances,but the idea behind it is sound. Surely there can be few things brighten up our lives more than the knowledge that spring is round the corner and another winter has been endured,consigned like the others to history. It might have been an idea to caveat it as IDoH ( Northern Hemisphere) but that is surely only me being pedantic-for a change.
March 20 has been the chosen date since its inauguration,and it holds a double significance this year as it falls on a Saturday. There is no day of the week more likely to put a smile on my face than a Saturday. Finish work early doors,grab a few hours kip,shower etc,gear on and out. Bookies for the fixed odds and a look at the horses. Get the phone out to study the form as I fill out my bets while having my first couple of pints and a discussion about events with my mates. Put the bets on,more beer,more mates and usually watching a game on TV. More beer,watch the racing,more discussion about life and all it throws at us as we watch the results coming in. Find a suitable receptacle for my betting slips while finishing off the evening with more beer and the live game. Nip into the supermarket on the way home for some essentials and maybe a carry out. And a carry home by bus.
And it’s spring tomorrow anaw? How come no-one told me about International Day of Happiness before? Was it because every Saturday was International Day of Happiness for me? Yep,I think that’s it.
Picked a f…..g blinding March 20 to find out about it,eh? Not a lot to be happy about at the moment. Racing and football cancelled,so no bets and no TV viewing. Pubs are shut anyway. Blinkin’ flip! And I wouldn’t have liked to have been around ATHINGOFBEAUTY when she found out that the gyms are closed too! Pointless going into the supermarket either as Mother Hubbard has got more grub than most of them,and there’s more chance of getting your hands on some booze at an AA meeting. You can write off Saturdays for a while,folks. And Happiness will be in short supply for a while yet too.
Here’s another irony for you. Some of us are going to have to drastically reduce our intake of alcohol for a time at least,while our main source of the stuff is forcibly closed and its stock slowly rots. I wonder if my local publican will sell me a barrel?
Still,the Happiness in the current situation can be found in the simple act of being alive,and that the same goes for those who matter to us. I hope that remains so until this crisis passes. I wish you all well,and extend that to those who matter to you too.
In every crisis it is only human nature for some people to seize an opportunity. We normally call these people leeche. Or parasites,spivs,profiteers. You know the type of person I mean,and you are free to use the pejorative term of your choice. In Scotland,they tend to be known as huns.
Irony keeps rearing its ugly head in this article,and there are a few more instances to come. The season is stalled,and that may become a full stop unless circumstances change dramatically. With no money coming into clubs,there are some out there who are already making difficult-or opportunistic?-choices. Ann Budge at Hearts has already decided that all playing staff wages will be amended. The choice is 50% or sod all and a free transfer. Mine would be a letter from my lawyer enclosing a copy of my contract and an offer to adhere to the terms as agreed. Especially if I had been so rank rotten all season that my team were firmly rooted to the bottom of the table,and my own form was so bad that there was no chance of catching the eye of another employer prepared to pay what Hearts paid me.
But the wee “star from the east” didn’t stop there. Slashing the wage bill won’t stop her club going bust if they get relegated. And she knows it. The mystery benefactor may not have a spare £2.5m available to her this year to balance the books. Not with the way the markets are plunging. So her plan is to cancel the season entirely,to declare it null and void. Incomplete means wipe the slate clean and start again next season as if the current season hadn’t taken place at all.
Everyone’s a winner because no-one is a loser!
There’s a superb piece of logic in there,isn’t there? Cough up the cash for 79% of the season then find out you’d have been as well going to B&Q every Saturday with the missus instead of having to listen to her through a hazy hangover as she nags you about it every Sunday. Her plan is to keep the money already paid and tell you that you obviously dreamt about paying it-because those games aren’t on the record books! Where could she have got such a stupid idea from?
Irony again-it came from the fatso PR guy at Ibrox. You know,the one that they’re getting shot of? His last piece of PR guff-not that he knew that when he dreamt it up,of course!-is probably his best. It is so brilliant that it was picked up by a famous celebrity and baroness as the blueprint for the similar problem facing English football. As she just happens to run a relegation-threatened football club with ties to the seedy sex industry,she is probably considering a suitable reward for the genius who dreamt it up. That Jim is thinking along the same lines might explain,in part,the run on toilet roll sales in Scotland.
Oh,that and the fact that his PR role at the Victorian lavvy-sorry,couldn’t resist it!-is being taken by a prominent DUP councillor. Usually you would back the experienced purveyor of pure poison to prevail,but not this time. And not only because the bookies are shut. Shocking decision to have to make,Jim. Go quietly to a life of parsimonious ignominy,universally despised by former colleagues and employers who are no longer scared to tell the world all about you,or go down fighting as you try to trash the reputation of the new guy who may or may not have links to certain bullyboy thugs with a fondness for proper violence,not the stuff in Cumbernauld you made up a few weeks back.
The only reason I’m not pishing myself laughing here is the seriousness of the matter. There has been a concerted campaign,driven by this twat and his remaining compliant victims in the media. They have gone looking for halfwits of a blue hue and given them a platform to support this idea. UEFA haven’t helped one bit,as they have cluelessly kicked the can down the road instead of looking at the runes and the evidence in front of their own eyes which shows quite clearly that there is no hope of football being completed in the allotted time. Indeed,there is plenty of evidence to suggest that the qualifiers for the Champions League and Europa League are going to be the next victim of the shutdown.
And that’s the ones planned for NEXT season!
I’ll tell you what might just make this International Day of Happiness for me. Or any day soon that it happens. And that’s for UEFA to say that between now and Easter,three weeks away,they will look closely at the medical and scientific evidence on the matter. That they will consult with representatives of each individual government on the current and projected situation in each country. And that they will make a definitive decision THEN for both the current season and the next one.
This will allow clubs,players,agents,everyone in the game to get on with their lives instead of living in the current suspended animation. To allow their players an extended close season with suitable training programme,instead of trying to stay match fit for a match we will probably not see for six months. And that titles and relegation will be decided on the basis of average points per match played to date.
Because the season is finished. Not null and void,with all the legal uncertainties which could-and will-ensue. Finished. Just like Jabba.
And hopefully-there’s a final irony here-the final points tally for the huns before they die again will be the number that killed them the first time.
Reasons to be cheerful indeed,amongst the misery. Stay safe,stay well.
Above all,stay sane. We have a long road in front of us.
Above article by BMCUWP. Difficult times for us all,so why not cheer us up with a wee anecdote from your life as a Tim? A great day out,a memorable win,a peach of a goal? You get the drift,write it and we will publish it. Mail it to Mahe