Its a funny old game

It truly is indeed. The beautiful game has spawned characters galore, tales a plenty, forged lifelong friendships, brought this website and us all together, gives hope and encouragement to billions across the globe, and much much more. It truly is a global game, there can be no doubts.


It’s very easy to believe what we gather and watch is the be all and end all when it comes to football, but that’s just not the case. If football was to throw a family picnic so to speak, you would be amazed at some of the oddball cousins who show up.


Bubble Football, , 

I can’t get my head around this one and although it’s possibly apt for virus control, it’s hard to see past it being anything more than merely a laugh. Silky skills mean little, and it looks like bigger is better in this game.


Foot Golf,, 

It’s exactly what it says on the tin and after frisbee golf the latest craze to hit the fairways. There is at least  an opportunity to reward those with finer skills when ‘putting’ and many will tell you the pristine wide open areas of the golf course can be extremely relaxing. One also has the added bonus that no two courses are exactly alike. For the unfit enthusiast with ball skills, this may well be nirvana.


Poscoi a we’a,,

The men of the native American Miwok tribe loved football believe it or not, playing with a deer hide ball on a 110 yard pitch with goals. However they also wanted an inclusive sport that the women of the tribe could also play.

The result was poscoi a we’a, where the females involved got granted certain permissions such as being allowed to pick up and throw or run with the ball. To negate this the men were allowed to pick up and carry the females when they were in control of the ball !!!

In the age of equal rights and political correctness this one does seem a bit of a throwback, but pass marks for trying to create an all inclusive game. Be a brave and fit man throws one of our lassies over the shoulder and takes off on a mazy run I’ll tell ya. No footage available unfortunately although there are re-enactments which I must endeavor to attend.


Sepak Takraw,, 

Football meets volleyball in this high octane fast paced hybrid game. Suiting those with good close control and athleticism this sport has taken off pretty well in certain areas of the globe, can handily make use of most courts and arenas, and has very low starting costs, all of which has helped growth. In fact it’s grown so much that over 100 countries take part in its competitions.


Finally, if ‘normal’ football nor any of the above fail to hold your interest then theres one last hope in the form of “the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt”


Thats not a typo you read that correctly. I doubled checked and yes the following is actually true.


Extreme Ironing is over 40 years old and although tongue in cheek it has seen people go to insane lengths to create the ultimate ‘did I just see that’ moment. On a cliff face it began, and has morphed from bungee ironing which is considered the most extreme branch of the ironing family, to underwater ironing, and also altitude ironing.


The world records for each are very impressive. Extreme Cello is said to have been born by it. The Germans have taken to this ‘sport’ for reasons I could only speculate although somewhat surprisingly their crack unit the GEIS ( German Extreme Ironing Section ) fell to Englands own EIB ( Extreme Ironing Bureau ) when they met at the first world championships. 


The EIB would later go on to have an infamous ” beef ” with Extreme Vacuum group Urban Housework which eventually resulted in a film screened by National Geographic channel.


The sport continues to thrive with the big news being that champion Steam has decided to come out of retirement after encourage from wife Starch. Best of luck guys.


The above was brought to you by Mahe in association with mankind. Finally Happy Birthday BMCUWP. You’ll never walk alone, thats from us all.

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Nice bit of light heartedness . Much needed too I’d suggest. Been a funny old few months.


Happy birthday amigo. Hope you have a great day.



DEADLINE IS 12-10pm. No entries and no exceptions after that deadline.


Just beat me to that,Twisty.




Thanks,mate. Might be a surprisingly quiet one. Waste of a Saturday birthday but heyho…

Thanks also to MAHE and to the troops from the previous article. The Heinz Birthday Quiz will be at its usual time tonight,8pm.


11th July birthday. Could have been a lot worse if you’d hung around another day before making your debut! You’ve got a lot to thank your dear mum for. ( I suppose CCB gets a bit of credit too?)



Watching those clips and doing some googling,bloody hell…

I don’t think I fancy any of them-particularly the extreme ironing! Or any ironing at all,come to that. The only time my stuff gets ironed is when I’m at home!



Closer than you think,I arrived at ten to midnight!

Apparently my Dad looked at his watch and started pulling…


Or maybe just praying.

Bad enough being a UFB called Mick in Kilwinning,without being born on the 12th as well. Mind you,my oul’ papa told me I was the luckiest boy in the school cos I was the only one who got the bands out for his birthday.


10 mins to spare!! Unbelievably close!!

I was born a week early myself. Was due 10th Dec but arrived on the 3rd. At 10lb 4 ozs . I wonder what I’d have weighed in at had I waited until the due date.??

My uncle Manus weighed exactly a stone when he was born. A stone!! I think my granny weighed 7 stone soaking wet too. Imagine!! She’d 14 kids too. ?

Thing with my uncle Manus was that I don’t think he ever weighed more than 11 stone his whole life. Absolutely lovely man he was too. Such a gentleman.

Since we are on a light hearted article today, here’s another thing about him. He used to sleep with his eyes open!! Was a weird thing to see. I walked in one day and he was on the big chair. I started chatting away and he never said a word. I was totally bewildered until my aunt told me “ he’s fast asleep”. Only person that I ever knew who did that.



Ive got a mate like your uncle,only he’s not actually sleeping. He can look straight at you and then you realise that he’s completely switched off and effed off to another planet. He doesn’t do it from ignorance,I don’t think he knows he’s even doing it. We just call it his Vakey Jakey mode.

“Eh? Oh. Sorry. Miles away there…”


I often ape your mate. Only I’m just pretending to be miles away. As soon as the wife mentions “ this room could be doing with a makeover”.

“ eh? Sorry never caught a word if that. Was miles away “




DIY means Don’t Involve Yourself.


Bobby, A Very Happy Birthday!
Hope you manage to stay sober enough for the quiz 🙂
I looked up famous birthdays to see who you share your birthday with. The only two I recognised were Giorgio Armani, fashion designer and John Quincy Adams, US president. The rest were all nobodies to me! A lot of – You Tube personality, Instagram personality, Reality TV star, media personality and some z list actors, singers etc. I’m way out of touch!

A thing of beauty

Happy birthday bmcuwp. Another year older though not necessarily wiser!!

Paddy's Maw

Happy birthday to Bobby. Definitely a bit of a strange one for you. Take advantage of it being a Saturday and get out down the pub. Zoom is tomorrow btw.

big packy

MORNING ALL and JIM, happy birthday bobby, have a good one?


Morning Packy, I like the look of your nap choice, not the favourite either! Very brave of you 🙂

big packy

JIM, i thought it was the favourite, bloody norah ???


Truth be told I’m bloody useless at DIY anyway. I envy those who are talented in wallpapering, fitting carpets, fixing cars, plumbing, carpentry. Honestly I’m fekking hopeless.

I’m the guy whose tool kit used to comprise of a kitchen knife. I needed that for changing the old fashioned plugs obviously. ( any useless DIY’er knows what I’m talking about)

What did they do? Introduced moulded plugs. Bastards. Killed my only talent.

Ever seen the episode of ‘Friends’ where Ross decided he ain’t paying delivery costs for a sofa?? He says I’ll carry it home. Save a few dollars. Well when we first got married, we went for a carpet for our first home.
6yards x 4 yards. Foam back. The foam back was the cheapest going. Newspaper for underlay. Sorted. I think it was £1 a square yard.

The guy wanted 50p a square yard to fit it. WHIT???

“ I’ll fekkin fit it myself”

Wife , who at this point is oblivious to my lack of DIY ability
“ can you fit carpets?”

Ffs of course I can. How hard can it be to fit a carpet?

Gets the carpet delivered.

I sent the wife across the street to my mums to allow me peace and quiet whilst I got on with the job. A master craftsman needs to concentrate obviously.

First problem – I’ve nothing to cut the carpet with. Quick search of the house and I’ve found the solution. A big fekk off bread knife from the kitchen drawer. “That just the fella. That’ll do for me.”

You’re now thinking “ how’s Twisty gonna secure the carpet to the floor?”

You needn’t fret. I’d already prepared for that by buying carpet tacks and a hammer. I’m not a fekkin idiot you know. Plan ahead. That’s my motto.

Spreads the carpet out. Hmmm. Gonna need stretching . For such a quality expensive carpet I was disappointed to see that when I rolled it out it had more undulations than the Himalayas.

Not to worry. I’m young fit and packed with power. I’ll stretch that carpet out no sweat.

I reckon a carpet fitter would’ve done the job in 25 mins tops. Me being slightly less skilled? Maybe an hour if I allow for a couple of smoke breaks.

Fate was against me though. I’d not taken into account that we had a stone fireplace, and the stones/bricks along the front of the grate were irregular shaped. Very irregular!! In – oot – in – oot. It was around this point I realised that the bread knife is a very badly designed implement. It’s simply not fit for purpose. Trying to cut a carpet around irregular shaped bricks with such a crude piece of kit is simply impossible.

I realised the fireplace area was gonna need a more precise tool in order to achieve the high standard of finish I was after.
Fortunately, the wife’s toilet bag came to my rescue. A smashing new pair of nail scissors. Perfect for that intricate brick work profiling.

That was the theory. The reality proved somewhat different. Whilst the knife had cut through the carpet on the majority of the job, and the scissors had managed to do the intricate work, I was disappointed at the finish. The carpet was fraying at the edges. Absolutely scandalous. You pay for a carpet, you expect a certain quality standard. I thought about sending it back for a refund, however, time was dragging on. I’d underestimated the time needed to do the job. I was now 3 hours and counting, and although I’d warned the wife not to come home, and I’d go and get her when finished, I was worried she’d be fed up waiting and liable to arrive home any minute.

It’s times like this that a craftsman needs to improvise, and genius comes to the fore. I’d a flash of inspiration. A quick stock check of my carpet tacks and I reckoned I’d enough to put my plans into action and finish the job.

Fold the frayed ends under and knock a few carpet tacks in. Repeat around the entire room Should be A1.

I did.

It wasn’t A1.

I’d managed to achieve what I can only describe as a rollercoaster effect all the way around the room. I was also a little concerned that despite my aforementioned muscle, I hadn’t quite achieved the degree of stretch I’d hoped for. I’d introduced a few trip hazards . I decided I could compensate for that by strategic positioning of the 3 piece suite. (The sweat stains would also dry over a few hours)

The fact it had taken me about 5 hours also worked in my favour. Darkness had fallen and with just a small lamp on, the effect I’d created was less visible than it was going to be the next morning. Never mind, I’d be away to work by then.

The wife’s reaction was rather confusing. She’s very very house proud , so it was important to me that she was happy with my work. She was saying the right things:

“ oh, that’s, err, fine, yeah, it’s eh, yeah that’ll do for now”

But – her face was saying something different?

Of course she didn’t get a proper look until dawn arrived. As it happens, when dawn did arrive, she decided she’d fekked up and the colour wasn’t quite as she’d imagined now that she’s seen it against the furniture!!

She decided it best we got another ASAP. Women eh!! What are they like!!

Anyway she also very kindly said that with me being so busy at work she’d arrange the fitting of the new carpet.

“ Fine by me. The knife is in the cutlery drawer and the scissors are back in your toilet bag if you need them”

Bloody tradesmen. Rip off merchants.

BMCUWP: To paraphrase ‘ Sixteen Tons , you might be another year older BUT you can’t be deeper in debt!! Not with the pubs shut for months and only shop-bought cans available.

big packy

JIM, you hoovering today?


Packy after reading that story from Twisty about carpets I’m going to give the hoovering a miss. i might get a tradesman in to do it!


I’m a dab hand with the hoover.

Btw, if ye need a carpet fitting, gimme a call. ( I’ll bring my own knife , hammer and scissors but you’ll need to provide the carpet tacks. ( get an extra few boxes just in case)


Twisty LOL 🙂
I think foam backed carpets are out of fashion nowadays!

big packy

TWISTY, are you any good at floor laying, you must be better than mcaff ?


Floor laying? Not tried it yet but happy to give it a go. I mean how hard can it be? I had some screeding done before. I watched the guy do some of it. Probably just the same as that.

I’ll need to get a few additional tools though. What would I need? A trowel? I ain’t paying for that. I’ve got an old iron I could use. Just as good I reckon. Gimme a shout , though you’ll need to be quick. My e mail system is going mental with offers of work fitting carpets. ?


Oh one more thing. I’m pretty good at wallpapering too . I can create an interesting effect. Unique in fact. Just shout.

Fairhill bhoy

BMCUWP,happy birthday mate.Have a great day???


Happy Hoopy Birthday BMCUWP…

Having A Saturday Birthday In These Interesting Times May Be Odd But I’m Sure You’ll Make The Most Of It:))


Brian Boru the last High King of Ireland…

My gggggggggggggggg…

…ggggggggg granddad Domhnall MacLochlainn will be ready for you in Valhalla;)

Hope everyone especially Mick has a grand day.

Hail Hail

big packy

TWISTY, will give you a call?? catch u all later oot dugwalking

Sol Kitts

Happy birthday to my best mate BMCUWP. ?????


Hooooooooooooooooopy birthday to a braw friend

BMCUWP have a great day.

Jack Charlton RIP


Happy Birthday BMCUWP ??


My dad used to sleep with one eye open,gave me the heebies.
My man says he was ready anything for bye him.,
Thanks for sparking a memory.


My mam


Ready = scared ?


Morning bud.

One eye! That’s even weirder!

How’s things ?


R.I.P. N Jack Charlton.


All good sir, got the
Grandweans back in house so I’m a happy bhoy.

Hoopy Birthday Mick


Ah brilliant. I know you’ll have missed them.

They’ll have missed you equally I’m sure. You can spoil them again now.


I’m heading out shortly to the shops then golfing so not sure if I’ll be able to check naps entries before the first race so please remember the ko today is 12-10pm folks.

Any late entries void I’m afraid.

As always – any non runners can be replaced today or tomorrow.

Good luck all .


Hoopy birthday to the bmcuwp

Mea Culpa

Twists….my nap
Skardu, 3.15 Ascot


From today, football stadiums in France will allow up to 5000 fans to attend. Presuming this will apply to the Celtic friendlies beginning next week.


RIP Leeds United legend Jack Charlton. He will just miss seeing his club promoted to the EPL after 17 years in the wilderness.


Never again will I enter a Wetherspoons. Support your local private owned boozer. Feck Martin and his empire. Capitalist Tory bassa.


Mea culpa
Link to naps at top of page

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