Taking One For The Team
As we hurtle towards the Glasgow Derby on January 2nd, and a game which will have a pivotal impact on whether or not Sevco can “Stop The Ten” my thoughts go back to 1997/98 when it was Celtic that were trying to do exactly that to the original Rangers club.
The season had not started well. Celtic had lost their first 2 games and were heading into their 4th game against their old rivals without twin centre backs Reiper and Stubbs. The situation looked pretty bleak.
Salvation came from a very unexpected direction.
500 miles south of Glasgow all was not well in Buckingham Palace. Charles and Diana had separated, the latter had been stripped of her HRH title and was being hounded by the Media with her reputation being trashed from within the walls of Buck House.
Diana decided to strike back.
Knowing that the Huns were the Queens Eleven, and secretly being a wee Tim, she decided to intervene directly in the title race.
She knew that Celtic were going into the Lions Den without a prayer so came up with a plan so cunning it would make Blackadder’s manservant Baldrick blush.
Firstly, one evening while dining in Paris with her lover Dodi she told her driver Henri Paul that she wouldn’t be needing him anymore that night. She then waited a few hours and suddenly reversed her decision, insisting that he drive her back to her hotel.
Knowing that he was by then considerably under the influence of alcohol she urged him to drive faster, to avoid the paparazzi, and as they entered a tunnel she put her plan into action.
Unbuttoning her blouse and removing her bra she called out to her driver. He glanced into his rear view mirror, was immediately transfixed – and the rest as they say, is history.
The first Paramedic on the scene has previously confirmed that she was still alive and immediately gave her CPR. What has never before been revealed-and in a Sentinel Celts exclusive-is that with her dying breath she whispered “ Mon The Hoops!”
In the days that followed, as she knew they would, the SFA cancelled all matches as a mark of respect. When the match was eventually rescheduled Celtic had Reiper and Stubbs restored to the team and the latter actually scored the injury time goal that kept the title race alive.
Celtic, of course, would eventually clinch the title, and stop the ten, on the last day of the season, giving her the last laugh from the grave over the Royal Family whose staunch followers wept bitterly into their Silver Jubilee Tea Towels.
So, as Celtic once again head into a critical Glasgow Derby, with The Ten on the line, with a defence in tatters in terms of both the lack of a first choice goalkeeper and indeed, a solid back four, which Royal is going to fall on their sword and take one for the team?
At 99, Prince Philip would appear to be the Bookies favourite, especially as he until recently thought it was OK to drive while being virtually blind.
The Queen, at 94, would appear to be a decent each-way bet but against that her maw did make it to 102.
Perhaps the smart money should be on Prince Andrew. He’s just turned 60, like me, but unlike me, he’s wrapped up in the Epstein sex trafficking scandal so he might decide to take the quick way out like his pal. It’s a bad day when the most redeeming feature in your life was dating porn star Koo Stark in your twenties. Who could have predicted it could all have gone so badly wrong?
Time is of the essence guys, so we’d appreciate if one of you could do the decent thing and give Neil Lennon some time to get things right on the training pitch.
Actually, on reflection, we might need the three of you to go one after the other!