SENTINELCELTS

(and a wee bit of Angst)

Can I just say that I do actually recognise that there is a ‘thing’ called reality and that its overlap with what I am about to say may be regarded as tenuous at best, and at worst so far off the mark it could be known as the ‘Sebo… Sebo’ doctrine.

I however believe that it is spot on and make the above disclaimer for two simple reasons….

First, I don’t want youse all rushing straight on tae Paddy Power, Bet365, WH or whoever, and decimating the odds.

Second, I equally don’t wish anyone at that well known secret Bilderberg group thinking I have been the recipient of unofficial notes taken during their secret meetings!

Anyway, to put the future succinctly I predict:

Bayer Leverkusen know that they are in for a difficult, if not disastrous, night on Thursday in Glasgow.

AND (with an eye to the future)

Celtic are on course to win the newly created European Champions Cup of Champions to be inaugurated in 2125…or…2126!

The first is of course the obvious corollary to our last two games!

I mean go on…THINK ABOUT IT….Raith Rovers fur God’s sake, it’s no more than the beat of a bat’s wing since they were 1-0 up at half time against the Bavarian might of Munich. WE BEAT RAITH 3-0!

And of course Dundee United, née Dundee Hibs, The Arabs, The Tangerines…still glorying in the glow of being cheated by the ref and losing to the endemic corruption of Roma and UEFA, preventing them from being the second Scottish team to win the European cup. WE DREW 1-1 WITH THEM!

My sources, Mick and Agnes…(more of them in another time and place…which happens to be inside ma psyche where they sit proffering guidance, advice and sharing a huge feckin joint) tell me that Leverkusen are on edge, temperamentally flawed and most of all tactically fearful at the monumental challenge they will face later this week. Word has reached their ears that with a 60,000 crowd of devotees behind them, Celtic’s attacking prowess, ‘shoot on sight’ pinpoint smart bombshells, calmly controlled silky but powerful defence allied to the fastest ‘get the ball back’ ballboys this side of the crab nebula, would see even the dark forces of Dalek empire turn their Gunsticks on each other leaving nothing but wee piles of dust!

In summary ..they are absolutely ‘SHITEING THEMSELVES”!

I really can see with all these advantages… we must surely be red hot favourites for an outstanding 1-0 extermination.

And as for the soon to be inaugurated European Champions of Champions Cup.

Well keep it schtuum for the moment, but having mentioned the Bilderberg group above I can now exclusively reveal that they are a bunch of chancers who have proven themselves incapable of running a bath.

So I and my cohorts in Intellectual Corner in Sharkeys (say Hail Hail to Tolbooth Tony, Shotgun Shannon, Harry the Shark, and of course me- Gifto’god- also occasionally known as Mattress Matt) have been asked to progress the objective.

“Make it so!” The instruction came in a coded message from the latest star trek adventure – a secret communication system we have been using successfully for some time now, although the five-year mission has gone on for a wee bit longer than we intended!

And so it is now my and our privilege to ensure that it is created and soon I will unveil my plan. (Note cunning plan creators in the past from Machiavelli through Rasputin to Baldrick, eat yer feckin hearts out…and yer hibs as well).

A key component of the plan will be to recruit like minded advocates, highly intelligent operatives, accountants, visionaries, seekers of the truth and hard bastards to our team. IF ANYONE READING THIS KNOWS WHERE I CAN GET THEM THEN LEAVE A MESSAGE…OR EMAIL ME AT MSTEWART@YMAIL.COM WITH YOUR BANK DETAILS.

But what about the Angst! (ANGST no’ ANGE)

How do we deal with where we find ourselves as a fanbase now, in particular the all-pervasive Angst. How do we dissect that cadaver of distress that we find ourself immobilized by, and then as a small but necessary final step, how do we take that analysis and convert it into a manifesto for EVERY TIM ON THE PLANET to stand in awe, their imagination straining at the precipice of revelation and chant…. ‘we’re wae you pal’… ‘Go on big man’ … ‘Whit? Naw!’ … ‘bleedin obvious’  and most of all how do we get blogs, message boards, governments, porn magazines and news outlets across the globe to beg to be involved?

The answer is simple ….”you!”

As of today you are all co-opted as ‘associate’ members of Intellectual Corner and the mechanisms, triggers, launching and world wide cascade of unforgettable, undimmable and eternal glory lighting the future will be yours to spawn, yours to foster and yours to hold …..and all I ask in return whenever you pop in for a chinwag a pint would ensure you a seat at the place where the motto is “We may talk shite – but it’s QUALITY Shite”!

There is so much to say…so much that Mick and Agnes are shouting and singing in my head…. They keep repeating the same thing…”The jigsaws, the orchestras, Marylyn Munroe…..tell them! tell them! tell them!”.

AND SO I WILL …but no’ till after Thursday. After all it’s early afternoon and at this time of day I get to go out wae the lucky knickers on.

Bye for now

To be continued.

Hail Hail

Matt

******
Once again,ESTADIO comes to the rescue at just the right time with some much needed light relief. Thanks,bud. I needed that