The Baldy Bhoys
I’m more baldy than scruffy and not through choice believe me, but I do believe that was a serious team of Scruffiness assembled yesterday and it would take something special to beat those comb dodgers.
Could the Celtic Baldies take them?
Well it depends on the team of course so let’s find one.
Now I’ll admit to stretching the boundaries here by claiming crew cuts as Baldies but I’m sure you understand.
In goals, who else but the eternal number two all over please Sir , Big Rab Douglas.
He was gifted with height and an athlete’s physique, seemed the type who avoided a fish supper whilst playing.
Craig Gordon is of a similar stature and I’d take Gordon first, that kinda says it all.
Martin only had a certain amount to spend and with Mr Okay between the sticks he opted to improve the outfield, wisely in my humble opinion. The outfield brought us to Seville after all.
Would a better keeper have made a difference on the night?
Not in these eyes.
I watched wave after wave of Porto players arrive in the box as they broke our lines and cut the ball back time and time again.
The winning goal was coming.
That heat, no five subs, no water breaks,,,today that game might, just might, turn out differently, but I genuinely thought they were the better football outfit on the evening despite the heroic fightback.
Big Rab was decent, and suited having little up top.
He gets the nod in goals.
The next player is the lynchpin of the defense and he’s Baldie by name, baldy by nature.
What a defender he was.
“Bobo, take your shirt off and walk up and down that corridor” Martin told him, and with damn good reason.
The trick worked.
‘Bobos gonna get ya’ became infamous, but Scotland being Scotland, and Europe being a different kettle of fish meant he was an easy target for the savvy opponent.
He was prone to diving in with those long legs for good reason, and wasn’t the greatest with the ball, but hand on heart I would be delighted if Ange signed that Bobo today for he stopped attackers and goals more often than not.
My different team supporting friends raved about him, and not only that he’s in our top five bargains of the twenty first century list alongside some esteemed company.
Let me say this, I would find a place for Bobo Baldie in my team every day of the week.
He’s Captain of The Baldy Bhoys.
Alongside the big man is one of the few who could genuinely look him straight in the eye.
Daniel Majstorovic was a fearsome looking giant and of course he opted for the old Telly Savalas hairstyle, ie none at all.
Many a striker must have inwardly remarked ‘Oh shit’, but not by the time he came to Celtic.
The chap was finishing up his career, giant club came calling for experienced backup, better wages etc, and he said yes as most would.
Unfortunately he often got exposed by a high line and his lack of pace, too often for my liking and the clubs as his deal was never extended, and for good reason.
This Skinhead makes the team.
Our right back is one of the few Italians to have played in the Hoops, and he proved himself very capable on the park.
Enrico Annoni was a cultured player, just like the beard thing he had going on.
Sometimes sporting a Kojak up top, he opted instead for the facial hair and seemingly enjoyed nullifying his opponents as Italian defenders are prone to.
We got two seasons out of the chap, he gave us some good memories, he was baldy as a coot.
Hes in the team.
However,,,being tactically astute I’m gonna shunt that baldy Italian over to the left hand side of a back four to make way for a right back we never saw coming.
Didi Agathe didn’t have much hair, he had buckets of pace.
Pace enough to make him undroppable and as such Martin turned the Hibs striker into a right back?!
For a couple years he was unstoppable, had a serious engine with great conditioning and there can be little doubt we witnessed the best of his career. He also chipped in with a few goals and with his very modest pricetag must be considered an absolute bargain.
Thanks for the memories Didi, you and your lack of hair make the cut, pardon the pun.
In the middle of the park we have a few options, more than a natural bald anyway.
There is of course one standout candidate.
“We’re gonna sign Scott Brown,we’re gonna sign Scott Brown” sang the Ibrox stands.
Gordon swept in with his vision and the young man was sold on the dream, his decision vindicated by medal after medal in that cabinet.
We offered him glory, the chance to establish himself as his nation’s number one midfielder. Not the most technically gifted he divided opinion especially early on but it’s a fact his shaven head led the Tic to title after title.
I thought the 3-3 Man City draw his best game for the club but it’s up for debate. He made the right choice though, he would never have settled across the city.
Scott makes the Baldies team.
Alongside the legend plays a well travelled Danish International with a head you could fry an egg on.
I recall the hype when Tommy Graveson signed, watched him poach a derby goal that was going in already, but just never fell in love with the erratic player.
Turns out he needed us more than we needed him and after a few seasons he had split the scenes having lived the dream. The fact he never played for another big club tells me we caught him on the way down not up.
We bought into the hype, though I actually think Everton and David Moyes got the best out of Tommy.
Serious baldy though, undroppable for this team.
Out on the left wing is a controversial choice, but I’ve found a slot for the Krew Kut Kid himself, Mr. Marc Crosas.
The lad had something about him, and also a profound admiration for the club and it’s faithful support. Technically gifted, the Spaniard wasn’t given much of a chance in the Hoops which is unsurprising given we were generally stacked in that area with Brown, Hartley, Robson, even Donati all above him in the pecking order.
He enjoyed the game and played with a smile, but at the end of the day Scotland’s often agricultural approach didn’t suit the man, who was also slight of stature which never helped his cause.
A decent player and apparently a good man, on this occasion he gets a starting slot for the big battle of the noggins.
On the right side of midfield I’ll look no further than the black cobra himself, Mo Sylla. He joined the club just as footballing operations was being placed in the slow lane by Peter, but the man himself wasn’t slow. His pace, pricetag, and natural athletes physique helped convince Martin to take a punt, yet playing time eluded him.
His lack of follicles and being accustomed to right midfield force his inclusion on this hallowed occasion.
Up front, the deeper lying of the two is another Balde by name, baldy by nature bhoy.
Big Amido Balde had Danny scratching his head asking is he truly a professional footballer? He wasn’t the only one who wondered.
The big man scored against Brendans excellent Liverpool side who were almost EPL champions, which might just be the goal he’s best remembered for during his time with the club.
He’s my target man, assigned the task of receiving, distributing, and then supporting the attack with all he’s got. Gulp!
His strike partner sported a buzz cut, and had pace to burn if not the footballing skills to match. Kenny Misser fully earned his nickname, I watched him get put clean through one on one seven times in a row and all seven times he fluffed it, which cost him his place in the team and cost Gordon his beloved clipboard.
The Scottish Michael Owen had a good career in the game, is one of the few who played for both Glasgow giants, but lacked the natural tendency to finish of Larsson or even Scott McDonald. A bit more composure and footballing prowess would have seen him go a lot further, and made him unaffordable for the club.
He was worth a punt, nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say.
And nothing much was actually gained.
Even still, he’s the leading striker of the Baldies.
Managing this collection of barber shop dodgers falls to the Lurgan man with the number three all over.
But it wasn’t always thus, upon joining the club he singlehandedly launched the bleached blonde trend, but that soon gave way to a natural red buzz all over that he sports to this day.
A phenomenal reader of the game during his playing days, his potential as a manager was stymied by resting on his laurels and not attempting to expand his horizons by embracing modern coaching practices, hence finding ‘new stuff’ in the manager’s office after taking over post Brendan. No old wise heads on the coaching staff looks a mistake in hindsight.
That’s a pity, but he collected quite the trophy collection nonetheless.
Lenny is tasked with organizing and beating the Shaggies for the big clash.
The Baldy Bhoys line up as following,,
Bobo Baldie (captain)
Manager – Neil Lennon
Now the teams have been announced, let’s have your score predictions and maybe a fictional match day report please.